I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
