I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
