sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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