That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
