I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
