there's paper in my vomit.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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