I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
