you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
