I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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