I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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