we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
there is glitter all over my balls
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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