I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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