so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
