K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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