i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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