did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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