well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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