Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
