the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
