i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
