george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I will pee on everything he values.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
