I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
