so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
