As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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