Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
