i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
