That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
