i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
