He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Someone signed my nipple.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
