i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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