I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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