I love black thongs
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
