u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
