A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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