I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
