I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
