no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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