Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
