i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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