this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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