i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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