I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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