His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
