you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
