Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They took my balls.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
