Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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