my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
