so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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