you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
