I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
