we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have post one night stand depression
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
