White coat. Heels.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
