He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
